Motherhood.Adventure.Slow Fashion.Sewing.Womanhood

Friday, 9 May 2014

Weight Loss is a Long Hard Road

I have never been a 'skinny' girl. I think i've always erred on the side of chubby. I was always around 11 stone, and at 5ft 4" that was chubby. When I moved in with my husband at 17, I was the slimmest i'd ever been because I was doing about 200 sit ups every day, but I was still around 11 stone, and still a size 14. I have an hourglass shape, which I think I am lucky to have, but it means I carry most of my weight around my hips and boobs. As I mentioned previously, I spent my teenage years in Spain, and the beauty of Spanish women is their curves, so although I thought about my weight, I wouldn't say it ever 'worried' me growing up.

When I moved in my husband it all sort of went down hill...I think it was a mixture of being away from my family and feeling isolated that made me begin to comfort eat. Before I new it, I had ballooned to somewhere near 14 stone. The strange thing was that I hadn't really noticed. I went from one day being me, and the next thing I was being told by a nurse at a check-up that I needed to watch my weight. That was a shock for me. We had also started to plan our wedding and I desperately wanted to loose some weight for our special day.


At my heavist pre-pregnancy


It sounds cliché when I think about it now, but those times really do seem like an out-of-body experience to me. Like I look back on it, and it's someone else. It was a bad time in general. I didn't like where we were living, my job, being away from family, all of it. I did manage to loose weight, but I was still overweight when we got married, weighing in at 12 stone 10 pounds. I was proud of myself for loosing weight, but also annoyed at myself for not loosing enough. I couldn't help but think 'If I had run for 10 more minutes each day...' or 'if I had paid even more attention to what I was eating and my portion sizes...'.




When we moved back to Essex, I naturally lost more weight, but stayed at about 11 and a half stone. I was still uncomfortable with myself at this weight. Then I became pregnant with my Son. I started off with good intentions, I had cravings for bananas and milk. I also started to swim 2 or 3 times a week not only get some exercise  but also help the pain in my back which was terrible (now I know that this is due to having a tilted womb).

The whole way through my pregnancy I planned and dreamed of a water birth. It was on all of my notes and I had discussed it with my midwife, all was set. But the day I went into labour and arrived at the Maternity Wing, they told me that my BMI was half a point too high to have a water birth as I was technically obese, and so instead of the relaxing water birth I wanted, I got strapped up to a monitor flat on my back, with these awfully tight suspenders on my legs (apparently to stop any DVT). All I kept thinking was, 'if I wasn't so fat, I could be having the labour and birth that I wanted.'


Me at about 20 weeks pregnant

I had stopped weighing myself during my pregnancy, as I think deep down I knew that I was putting on too much weight. But it was definitely a shock stepping onto the scales a few days after having my son and seeing the numbers. 15 stone 10 pounds. I couldn't believe it, I was repulsed with myself and instantly devised a plan to 'get skinny quick'. I started to do a ridiculously hard workout at home (I won't mention any names here) and ended up hurting my knee pretty badly after about 10 days of doing it. I couldn't walk properly on it because of the pain, so went to my GP. I told my GP that I had hurt my knee and told him what type of exercise I had been doing, and he told me 'well, i'm not surprised you have hurt your knee, you are too fat to be jumping around exercising. Try swimming instead.' I burst into tears, as I explained that I had a baby 6 weeks ago and that's why I was fat. I was so angry that my GP had called me fat, but deep down I think I thanked him for giving me the shock I needed to get into gear.

I told my Mum about the doctors visit, and seeing how down I was about it and how determined I was to loose weight, she bought me an online subscription to Weight Watchers. We had booked a holiday for the following June, and my goal was to be 10 stone by the time we went away.

I was 11stone 3 pound by the time we went away, and although it wasn't my goal weight, I was over the moon with how much weight I had lost.





After the holiday last year, I flitted on and off of weight watchers, fluctuating between 11st 8 and 11st 12. Now that my son is walking and running and wanted to play outside with me and all the wonderful stuff little boys want to do, I am now more determined than ever to reach my goal. But I have a new goal. Not to be skinny but to be Healthy.

I restarted weight watchers a few weeks ago at 11st 9. My goal is 9st 12. This is a healthy weight for my height and, to be honest, it seems so far-fetched that I could ever weigh that little that I think I am in competition with myself. It's not about getting thigh gap, or fitting in a size 10...I just want to be happy, healthy and at my prime.

Marilyn Monroe - No thigh gap!


At last weigh in I was 11st 1lb. So I have a fair way to go. It's hard, I don't always stick to what I should, and I get side tracked. But I am Human. I started this blog to mainly talk about businessy type things, but I think that this is such a big part of my life and it effects me everyday, so I would like to share my journey with you. If I can help someone else get on their way to their goal, then that's an amazing thing.

I looooooove cooking, so will be sharing any new weight watchers healthy recipes that I like, and hopefully you will too.





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